In this week's Sex Talk Realness, four anonymous women get real about what it's really like to be a bisexual female in this day and age. I dated boys here and there until I hit a two-year span where I wasn't dating men at all during college, and even came out to my parents as gay. For two years, I kind of awkwardly danced around the subject, but she surprisingly never gave up.
In high school, I began to experiment more with some of my girl friends, which led to me dating girls. But when I was 19, this new girl got hired at my job, and she made it very clear that she was interested in me.
I came out of the closet at the end of 2013 and hadn’t dated anyone in my life until 2011. Since 2011, I’ve had several relationships, gone on a lot of dates, and consider myself something of an experienced serial monogamist.
But I’ve found it incredibly hard to crack the queer girl dating code as a bisexual woman. She was likewise bisexual and confessed to me all about her previous marriage to a man and how it broke up because he couldn’t handle her bisexuality.
Mostly I did this because I did not believe that others would accept me, but also because I had not yet accepted myself.
I didn’t start to come out until college when I fell in love with a woman.
I would write in my journal about her and pretend that she thought I was just as pretty as she was.
Being bisexual can be a marginalizing experience in both queer and hetero spaces.
As a bisexual, feminine presenting woman of color, I’ve been told everything from “you just haven’t come out as fully gay yet” to “you’re not queer, you’re just curious.” I’ve even had potential partners tell me “I would never date you because you would cheat on me with someone from another gender.” These comments are all based on harmful stereotypes of bisexual folks as promiscuous and closeted.
She ended up kissing me for the first time after asking me to go out for something to eat.
We hooked up a few times on and off, and now we've been dating for almost a year.