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    According to Samantha Joel and her colleagues, the human mind has strong and automatic prosocial tendencies -- we don't like inflicting social pain -- and this deep-rooted kindness keeps men and women from rejecting partners -- even incompatible partners.

    What's more, we are unaware of our generosity's power.

    That is what I knew and that is what I was comfortable with. Changing self image and rejection takes a lot of hard work, affirmations and positive self-talk (as both GPYB and GBOT lay out in detail.) But putting it to work when you're dating is where the rubber meets the road.

    I had to learn to treat myself well and think well of myself. You need to teach them you will not be bowed, cowed, or defeated. When you go through a devastating breakup, your self-esteem and self-image takes a hit. I believe that one of the reasons GPYB has been so successful is that I went through the breakup from hell, recovered my senses, discovered/created my life, changed EVERYTHING, and found the love of my life who, unfortunately, passed away from cancer.

    When you have a history, as I do, of being abandoned and rejected early, the sting stays with you for the rest of your life.

    Choosing to end a relationship usually occurs when one partner realizes something is out of sync with his or her vision for the future.

    In December, a guy I went to high school with started messaging me on Facebook.

    That escalated to texting every day, phone dates, and him bringing up visiting me over Valentine's Day weekend (he was in the Midwest, I'm in New York City).

    Here are some considerations to help you do just that: 1. When a relationship comes to an unfortunate end, stick to the facts. It takes time to see if the love you share is the permanent kind.

    Avoid piling on self-deprecating opinions like “This means I’m not worth loving,” or “Now I’ll never find someone to love,” or “I must not be very attractive.” These messages are not only untrue, but they can also generate even more pain than the loss of the person you cared about. When a breakup happens, that doesn’t mean you are flawed, nor does it mean you’ve failed. And if it’s not, it isn’t a statement about you at all.

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